Work, Life, Growth

Saying no isn’t about being negative or uncooperative; rather, it’s about setting healthy boundaries, respecting your own needs, and making room for what truly matters. Unfortunately, society has taught us that we need to say yes and jump at everything that comes our way. Consequently, we do not often recognize the benefits and power of saying no. I have learned that more often than not the issue is that people do not feel capable of saying no because they have fear of missing out (FOMO).

We believe that we must say yes to every opportunity that comes up or we will be overlooked for promotions, excluded from activities, and passed by those with influence. When in actuality if you are accustomed to saying yes, your purpose and efforts can become diluted. I hope that by reading this blog post, you will be able to recognize how saying “yes” stunted my progression and self-discovery.

Let’s talk about gardening! (Yes, I know this just took a strange turn, but stay with me.) My family and I have a garden and one of the most fruitful plants that we have are blueberry bushes. There was one year we had an amazing harvest and the blueberries were perfectly sweet and a nice size. At the end of the season, we left the bushes alone and provided no additional care for the upcoming season. We still had blueberries, but they were not as good as the previous year. The next year, we noticed that same disappointment.

After a few seasons of blueberries that did not have the anticipated sweetness we wanted, we decided that something had to change. We had said yes to all of the growth that the bushes were experiencing thinking that all of the freshly sprouted branches would yield even more blueberries. Well, this assumption was partially correct. We did have lots of blueberries, but they were small and the taste was bitter or bland.

It was the repeated failures that caused us to seek answers. We learned that not all growth is desired or good for the plant. We realized that our excitement and yes to the new branches, were directly influencing the fruit that was produced.

So, how is your yes in various areas that are overgrown influencing your fruit?

For me, my desire to succeed and say yes at every opportunity was leading me further into depression. I was always striving for more and never enjoying moments of contentment. I was always working to achieve goals, and never appreciating the process. I was so focused on saying yes that I failed to recognize that I was saying no to things that were much more important to me. My yes to areas that were not as significant to my purpose meant that I was saying no to things that were.

I was afraid of missing out on the opportunity to have an impact, that I was limiting my ability to actually have that impact. When I learned to begin to say no and prioritize what was most important to me, I recognized the passion that I have in areas like mentoring and community engagement. I also recognized that my greatest passion and priority is my family.

Since I have learned to say no, I have been blessed with many opportunities that align with my values. I have also declined many others that do not fit into my current focus and priorities. I have learned that the influence that I have now that I am able to focus has been much more meaningful, and not just for those I am working with, but also for myself.

Does FOMO occasionally kick in? Do I feel as if I need to be involved with more missions and platforms to make progress? Do I feel as if I am limiting myself and not reaching what society tells me is the full potential? Yes, at times these things do cross my mind. But, then I recall the impact I have been able to have with my improved focus due to my willingness to say no. I remember those blueberry bushes, and realize that the value of the fruit is based upon the quality and the flavor that they have. I remember that the uncontrolled growth led to a subpar crop. I understand that pruning and weeding out things that aren’t priorities will allow for optimal growth and maturation of the plant to occur.

Next time you are offered an opportunity, take the necessary time to reflect and see if that opportunity aligns with your priorities. If not, remember the power of no. Once you learn to embrace the power of no, watch how it empowers you to move forward.