Work, Life, Growth

The mantra, “You are enough” has become a common phrase and it has good intentions. Unfortunately, this saying has caused me unnecessary harm at several points in my life and previously contributed to depression. I was caught up in the whirlwind of doing everything myself, or at least trying to not crash and burn as I attempted to do it all alone. I was falsely believing that if I tried hard enough and worked towards a goal that failure would not be an option. I started to believe that being dependent on others was a sign of weakness. I was working diligently to be enough and exhausting myself in the process. And then one day it just clicked and I realized I didn’t have to do it all alone.

The phrase “You are enough” is plastered on motivational posters, shared on social media platforms, and echoed in countless self-help books. The sentiment behind it is positive and empowering, but is it always true? For me, it was empowering my journey to a road of defeat and positioning me for failure. I would like to think that I was an isolated case, but I have seen this play out in the lives of others as well.

The whole mindset telling everyone that they are enough is deceiving. I understand that the reason that phrases such as this have become popular is to help empower people to recognize that they can do amazing things. I do agree that we are capable of amazing things, but I have come to learn that alone we are not enough and that we cannot conquer the complexity of life without help. 

I acknowledge that I have likely hit a nerve with some and I’m not here to crush your dreams. Instead, I want to help you recognize that you can accomplish these dreams. In order to reach these dreams, it is important to acknowledge our own humanity and flaws. If you do not take note of where you fall short, then you are in denial and operating with an active blindspot that will serve as a limitation or road block. 

Let’s talk about the phrase, “you are enough”. I will start with a direct statement to respond to this mantra and I ask that you just bear with me. You are not enough, and that is okay. (When I say that you are not enough, know that I am also speaking to myself.) This is not an attack, but a dose of honesty that too many people ignore and something I ignored for a while. The concept of being enough is supposed to motivate us that we possess everything we need to succeed, but, to say that you are enough would mean that you are self-reliant and not in need of any form of assistance.

You may be able to do a lot of tasks by yourself, and you may be self-sufficient in many ways, but oftentimes we waste a lot of time and effort. Trying to be enough leads to unrealistic to-do lists and impracticable timelines causing unnecessary stress.  And what happens, when you fail to meet standards associated with the picture in your head telling you what enough looks like. 

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I no longer say I am enough because it leads me down the road of extreme perfectionism and individualistic thinking. This perfectionism causes me to further increase the self-reliance and avoidance to delegate tasks that others are more than capable of completing. It predisposes me to have a limited viewpoint by not collaborating with others. It causes me to sometimes do things in a rudimentary manner when it could have been completed to a higher caliber had I just shared my goal and asked for input. 

Simply put, the concept of being enough is a self-imposed limitation telling you to settle with the current state, while trying to grind for more. What current state are you settling for? It is not a state related to your surroundings or situation, but instead you are settling to stunt your own growth while focusing on being enough. 

Instead of focusing on being enough, what if we admitted that we are not enough? What if we confessed that we cannot do it all? What if we acknowledged that asking for help could help to mitigate issues, and offer additional viewpoints? What if we accepted that we aren’t enough, and looked to grow in our areas of weakness? If we are able to subscribe that this mantra does not always bring out the best of who we are, then we can begin to make progress and stop settling on the concept of enough.

So, let’s put this in practical terms. Here are some concepts that I encourage you to meditate on, do a self assessment to gain a better understanding, and ultimately make a change towards becoming a better you.

1. Recognize the areas where you are trying to be self-reliant, and then ask yourself why? If the belief is that you can do it better than anyone else, then figure out what has led you to this conclusion. Sometimes it is a fact, but other times it is fear of delegating due to the need to control. Other times it can be that you have been let down too many times or criticized for previous actions. Whatever the reason, self-examination can be hard and rewarding. This step often works best if you are able to talk through it with someone and I would advise who has your best interest in mind. A counselor, mentor, or a good friend may be a good place to begin.

2. Ask for help. One compelling reason to ask for help and stop being self-reliant is to foster deeper connections and strengthen relationships with others. When you reach out for assistance, you not only demonstrate vulnerability and trust in those around you but also create opportunities for mutual support and collaboration. By acknowledging that you don’t have to navigate life’s challenges alone, you invite others to share their expertise, perspectives, and experiences, ultimately enriching your own growth and understanding. And as a bonus, asking for help can alleviate stress and pressure.

3. Listen rather than speak. If we take the time to listen to others and what they say, then we can easily figure out who is in a position to help us grow in different areas. Some people will be better at offering insightful solutions,, and others will be the life drill sergeant that you have desperately needed. Unfortunately, we do not give people the time to showcase who they are because we are so wrapped up in being enough and fulfilling all of our own demands.

In writing this, you should know that I am constantly undergoing this battle. I often have to remind myself that I am not enough, and that asking for help does not mean that I am unqualified or inadequate. I have also learned that through my vulnerabilities, others begin to gain more confidence in me simply because of my willingness to acknowledge my limitations. I hope next time you hear the phrase “You are enough”, that you recognize that this statement of empowerment also has the potential to limit your overall ability  for growth and change. Instead of simply wanting to be “enough,” let’s  recognize that we have the potential and strive for continual development.